The Dream

You wake up, distorted and confused. Bright light from the sun above shines into your squinted eyes as you look around for your location. You’re high above the ground on what looks like a beautiful mountain. The blue skies ignore any clouds as the sun takes full advantage to warm your skin.

You look over to see an individual sitting next to you…It’s Jesus. The one whom you’ve obsessively thought about so many lonely nights and drives to work. The one whom you trusted in your previous life without ever seeing.

He hugs you closely and firmly. You realize that you know him. He looks exactly like what you thought. Like a family member whom you go home to every day, there is nothing about him that is unrecognizable.

After the long hug, you attempt to stand up out of respect. Jesus responds to your movement quickly “I’m glad you’re here! It’s ok, I truly appreciate your love, but in this moment let’s just watch this beautiful sky together.” You immediately sit down like a nervous child to a parent. You can’t stop smiling. Not only do you see him, but you feel him. You’re in shock…but blissfully happy.

“Jesus! I honestly can’t even comprehend that you’re…here. I’m actually here with you. Finally.” Energetically Jesus responds “I know! I am beyond happy. I’m so fulfilled that you’re here, sitting next to me, in this moment. I’ve been cheering you on and paying attention to your growth with me.”

“Really? I never doubted you Jesus. Well…maybe a little, but only a few times in my past life. I apologize Jesus, I realized that my past life was entirely meant to be confusing in some ways and beautiful in other ways. You know me more than I know myself, sometimes I was my own worst enemy.”

you’re simultaneously pondering back on your life, on all the times you experienced in relation to Jesus. The number of questions on your mind is tremendous. You remember one monumental time when you really doubted Jesus. “Jesus, remember when I was going through that transition stage in my life? new city and I felt super alone?” Jesus smiling, replies ” Yes I know exactly what you’re referring to.”

During that time, everyone I trusted turned their back on me. I had no one. The few people I did fully trust turned around on me and walked away. It was during this time when I questioned if even God would leave me. Remember? I’m sure you know already”

“Yes I know exactly the seconds, hours and days you’re referring to. Every last sprinkle of trust you had in everyone was lost. The few people you actually did trust disappeared. It created deep subconscious issues for you, enough for you to even ask if God would do the same.”

“Yes Jesus! I’m so sorry, it was wrong. Jesus it really messed my mind up, I was truly not right in those days. It’s just that…you start to really question everything when such deep issues happen over and over again. I felt the only person I could look to was the reflection in the mirror and nothing else. It was a hell in itself you could say. I needed someone, but no one was there.”

“I know, quite literally, what you mean. There was a certain time when I was on earth too, and I felt similar to you. I walked the streets of Galilee and Jerusalem long before your time on earth, only to be ignored and looked at as someone who’s not right mentally. I had few I trusted in on earth and more than one turned their backs completely on me. It was difficult being on that cross alone, to feel the nails in my hands and feet. Even I had to question for a few seconds on that cross why I’m alone.”

“Wow. Jesus I cannot even begin to imagine your strength. You are my everything, my savior and light Jesus. I need you. So when you were on the cross and asked why you were forsaken, you truly felt that way?”

Smiling Jesus replies “yes. Even me, a God felt the icy cold feeling of being entirely alone. Of being looked at as evil. Of being weird and socially unacceptable. Yet, I never once doubted myself. I knew my goal and I was going to accomplish it. One more important note here, I also felt your pains and sorrows. In that garden on earth, I felt everyone’s heartaches, deaths and anxieties. Not a bad feeling goes by in your life that I also didn’t feel. When you look at that sad reflection, feeling so deeply alone, remember I did the same. I lived your life.”

“Jesus what do you mean? Lived my life? Like literally? But Jesus I have certain physical issues that were extremely unique to me. My mental health was at times far too difficult for most to understand.”

“Yes. I lived every second of your life. I was walking with you every day of your life, experiencing all you felt also. I know what you felt. This is not an act of faith on my end, it literally happened. There was not a grumpy morning, flat tire, anxious thought or depressed night that I did not feel with you. All your anger, resent and sadness was fully felt by me as I strolled along your life with you. You chose for us on earth, I was always on the receiving end of your decisions.”

“What? no way! Now I feel terrible! So many bad decisions you had to feel. I’m so sorry. I can’t even begin to pay you back. What have I done Jesus? I carried you through all of that. So, this means you did the same for every human who ever lived?”

“Yes. Every child who passed in poverty, victim of wars and accidents. Whatever horrible suffering you imagine in your mind, I lived that life with that individual. I was simply accepting the pain in their lives fully. “

“Jesus? I love you!” Tears stream down your eyes as your intellect is tossed into shambles trying to grasp the moment. “Why did you do this? Like…I know that you died for me and you are the worlds savior, but you didn’t actually have to feel our exact pains and sorrows Jesus.”

Jesus sits smiling, looking out to the beautiful landscape. “I did it simply because I love you. I knew that you would feel alone. You would feel the bitterness of losing all trust in others. You would feel abandoned and neglected from all creatures. That’s why I came in. I chose to feel all your pains, to be your emotional punching bag…without you ever knowing it. I chose to feel your heartbreaks and fears. I chose to feel your anxieties and feeling of worthlessness. I chose to feel your deepest bouts of depression and anger. You were never alone. What this means is all your successes and joys were also felt by me, which in return brought me lots of smiles.”

Jesus still smiling continues “This is not a job interview or your regular one on one discussion like you hate. This isn’t a talk with a psychiatrist or psychologist. This isn’t your doctor talking or one of your friends who eventually left your life. This is someone who experienced every tear that dropped down your face. There is nothing you can possibly tell me that I’ve not felt myself, there is nothing you could tell me that I already don’t know. What’s so beautiful about this, is that even though trillions of people have lived on earth, your specific life experience was mine to feel. I love you.”

You can’t help but reach in for another long hug, but right when you do your eyes open as you look up at the clock. 2am. Your room is pitch black and the moonlight shines quietly through the window. “It was just a dream, only a nice dream.” A synergetic mix of sadness and peace overwhelms you as you lie back on your pillow. “If only that were real. I’d do anything to make that a reality.”

As you lie back on your bed pondering the beautiful dream you had, you receive a notification on your phone. Sluggishly you reach over to your phone and squint at the texts. It’s a friend needing advice on some trials they are experiencing. Not a close friend, but more of someone you know. Nevertheless, they want your help. They let you know about fears for an upcoming test, one that you’ve already taken and passed.

You smile wide as tears form in your squinting eyes. Not only did you pass that test, but you also know how it feels to be scared to take it. You realize that comprehending their fears allows you to help in such a way no one else can.

-Jarom

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