The Great Ethical Dilemma: Relationships and Standards

You finally meet the man of your dreams.

Finding him was impossible…until it wasn’t. He is everything you could have asked for…your checklist has no empty spots. It isn’t just his looks, but also his ability to communicate and his intelligence.

As always, you have your emotional guard up. This time around though, it seems to be dropping far more rapidly than usual. He seems to say all the right things at the right time. The cold heart you handed him has begun the process of defrosting.

After several months of deep conversations and fun dates…you commit to him. A few days after your fairy tale beginning…a conversation comes up unexpectedly.

The smile falls off your face as soon as you hear it…“I do not want you to go off to clubs”.

This comes as a shock to you. No man in your life has ever cared about you going off…enjoying life (as you should). Your girlfriends all have boyfriends…and they seemingly could care less about it. The social circle you’ve created would immediately see this “perfect” man as a screaming red flag.

Your whole life has been filled with beautiful (at times chaotic) moments with your rowdy friends. The theme of your life is to be in the moment, to party hard but work hard. This sudden contradiction in ideas is a sucker punch to your excitement.

“Why does it matter to you if I go have fun? You already seem controlling.” The passive reply from your mouth is full of offense and dissatisfaction. The butterflies you felt were hit by a fly swatter and left for dead.

“I’ve never had a woman go off to clubs and I cannot believe this is an issue for you” is his firm reply back.

You hang up on him, hop on TIKTOK and watch as many bias videos as you can in regard to justification for this issue of yours. By the end of the night, you’re certain that he is a control freak and a narcissist. The idea of breaking it off has already begun and you’ve just started.

My opinion is right…yours is…wrong?

What started off as a cute conversation between to love birds has now turned into an ethical dilemma: Who is right when both parties create their own subjective standards for their relationship?

One of the biggest flaws within relationships is that of standards. We all have developed our own personal set of standards for ourselves and our relationships. What we deem to be fine to do in a commitment is very much personal for each one of us. To counter this, we also have certain matters we set that are wrong and unethical to do within a commitment. Ultimately, many commitments are swamped with anxiety, anger and resent from this conflict of interest. Ethics are already a sensitive subject…and two parties finding mutual agreement on them can skyrocket into many negative emotions. For many, negative emotions are just the nails being put into a coffin slowly…the end of their relationship is inevitably going to happen.

Subjective means varying, changing and not firmly set. If you are using the word subjective in regard to people…than whatever you are referring to would be dependent on each and every individual. A good example of subjectivity in humans is opinions. We all have opinions on different matters, and for the most part we are all valid in them. If I like pizza with no cheese, call me weird but I’m just as much valid as someone who likes extra cheese on their pizza. If I love pineapples on my pizza and you don’t…we both are right. I cannot tell you that disliking pineapples on your pizza is wrong, and if I did you would call me unethical and wrong. (as you should).

Let’s drag subjectivity over to our commitments and our standards within them. It’s no different than our favorite flavor of ice-cream. My set of standards are just as valid as yours. In the example above, the woman (I used you, the reader) is no more right or wrong than the man is in regard to the situation. If he says she shouldn’t go to clubs, he is right. If she says she should be able to…she is right. They are both right. They both have their subjective reasons based off their social circles and life experiences.

This creates an ethical dilemma, one that, if not fixed…can destroy a relationship.

The only way for two parties to come together and make sense of this would be to somehow find an objective standard somewhere, one that is firmly set and accurate. Since science cannot solve any ethical problems, there is no scientific peer review you can find that could possibly prove what objective standard is right for any commitment. Science has its hands tied on anything ethical…logic and microscopes do nothing within the world of abstract values such as these.

Whatever would create these objective truths would be something outside this realm. Something that would be outside logic, physics, time and space. In order to present anything ethical as factual for our commitments…it could not use science as its source.

If we all had one source of factual standards somewhere to go to, it wouldn’t matter what they felt or thought on something…they would know that following the objective standard is the only right way. What this would mean in regard to the club dilemma above is that one of these individuals would be factually correct and the other…factually wrong. Therefore, they could both look to this objective standard for assistance in these matters.

What could I possibly be talking about here?

You’re smart, I know you can figure this one out.

-Jarom

The Irony of Resent

Resent. A most unusual part of this existence…the mental action of holding onto bad energy because of someone…while simultaneously knowing it makes us less happy.

Peace is something each one of us has the opportunity to feel in this existence. Peace is a withdrawal from unnecessary emotional stress and negativity. Peace is letting go of all resent, anger and frustrations. True peace is freedom. Freedom from lusts, cravings and fears.

In comes this little devil “resent”, who smothers our peace and well-being. Oddly, we know who he is, but have absolutely no issue in keeping the door wide open for him to walk right in. In fact, most of us don’t even recognize him until it’s too late. How often do you look back on something someone did, realizing that this little devil has been harassing you for weeks? or months? or years? He loves to quietly walk right into your mental house and take a comfortable seat next to you. Why do we leave the door open to someone whom we know is toxic, rude and stabs our peace?

We feel we are justified in feeling angry towards someone else for their actions or words. They did something bad to you, so you must be upset about this, and your perception must create frustrations even when they’re not around. In other words, we are saying that we are justified in being less happy. Let that truly sink in for me. We feel we are justified in being less peaceful, calm and content. How weird, irrational and illogical can we be? not only are we openly fine with being less peaceful…but we are quite literally allowing this to happen. Imagine getting burned by a hot stove, then actively sitting on it with your arms crossed?

You have to look at this logically with me. Independent of someone’s bad behavior and justification…you are less peaceful with resent. Really…think about this with me. When someone questions your negativity towards someone, you immediately begin giving justification on why you should be upset. In fact, most people are justified when they are upset about something someone did to them. They stole from you, unauthentic towards you, slandered you etc… but the reality is, it truly does not MATTER. You are less happy and peaceful. This is all you need to be focusing on. The goal for each one of us is to optimize our overall emotional well-being…at all times. Our unhappiness is entirely our own faults. Why? because our entire subjective experience is formed almost entirely in the mind, not in the world. Peace and happiness are formed behind your eyes, and we control it.

We have to look at this existence with less emotion and more rationality. our peace doesn’t care about what you “feel” or “think.” It just is. Therefore, you must look at your own personal peace apart from everything and everyone. independent of bad behavior. Independent of solid justification. Just look at it and do what is needed to be happier and more peaceful.

Are we responsible for someone else’s bad behavior? The answer is an obvious NO. So why are we contradicting ourselves?

-take note

-Jarom

Yes, I Actually Do Love you: Logically Making Sense of Charity

No, believers aren’t helping you because “Jesus said so.” We do it because we actually love you.

As a former atheist (yes, I said it again) One thing my old team would say was nothing less than Christians are nothing more than a bunch of phonies. “I can help someone without needing a God to tell me.” Their logic is actually very correct. Imagine that someone came up to help you and brightened your day. You smile and give thanks to them as they are about to leave. Instead of receiving more beautiful energy, you hear back from them “to be honest the only reason that I’m helping you right now is because someone else told me to.” Immediately you’d feel a sense of profound unauthenticity. Who would want help from someone who doesn’t want to be there? While I will grant that any help can be accepted at times, if it’s done without honesty, it strangles the beauty in it entirely.

The reality is I actually had to deeply consider this as a newly converted Christian. I truly had to comprehend that if this is how it actually is, that’s an issue with me. Of course, we have the power of Christ in us, a force that numbs the innate cravings we have for good…but am I really just serving and loving because “Jesus said so?”

The easy answer to this

After some time, the reality of how this works stabbed deep into my ignorance. While I’m far from omnipotent, I do know the logic aligns perfectly with how this works.

God loves us and shows us his love all the time, but when it comes to service and charity, he doesn’t have to push us. It’s not that God gives us anything regarding our love for others, it’s that he removes the conscious wall in this existence so we can see others for how we actually see them.

Every human has dramatically profound love for every individual on earth…but most people never experience this feeling because they have the drunk goggles of the natural man on. When we follow Christ, he comes in and removes these drunk goggles from our mind so we can perceive others with 20/20 vision. It’s not that we are acting because of the bible or because “Jesus told me to”… but because we have perfect vision instead of blurry vision.

Imagine that you had a certain form of dementia that made you lack comprehension of the most important people in your life. All your memories and love for them vanished as they became nothing more than distant strangers. Now imagine that with new technology, science was able to fix this dementia issue in your brain so you can comprehend them the same way that you used to. Your mind would be correctly functioning again.

This is nothing less than what is happening to us on a worldwide scale when we allow God to fix our distorted view of others. He corrects our perception and allows us to see others the way we actually see them, not with the conscious distortion of the natural man. God doesn’t actually need to do anything other than this, because once he removes this, he knows we will act independently…based off our own profound love for everyone on earth.

-Jarom

The Dream

You wake up, distorted and confused. Bright light from the sun above shines into your squinted eyes as you look around for your location. You’re high above the ground on what looks like a beautiful mountain. The blue skies ignore any clouds as the sun takes full advantage to warm your skin.

You look over to see an individual sitting next to you…It’s Jesus. The one whom you’ve obsessively thought about so many lonely nights and drives to work. The one whom you trusted in your previous life without ever seeing.

He hugs you closely and firmly. You realize that you know him. He looks exactly like what you thought. Like a family member whom you go home to every day, there is nothing about him that is unrecognizable.

After the long hug, you attempt to stand up out of respect. Jesus responds to your movement quickly “I’m glad you’re here! It’s ok, I truly appreciate your love, but in this moment let’s just watch this beautiful sky together.” You immediately sit down like a nervous child to a parent. You can’t stop smiling. Not only do you see him, but you feel him. You’re in shock…but blissfully happy.

“Jesus! I honestly can’t even comprehend that you’re…here. I’m actually here with you. Finally.” Energetically Jesus responds “I know! I am beyond happy. I’m so fulfilled that you’re here, sitting next to me, in this moment. I’ve been cheering you on and paying attention to your growth with me.”

“Really? I never doubted you Jesus. Well…maybe a little, but only a few times in my past life. I apologize Jesus, I realized that my past life was entirely meant to be confusing in some ways and beautiful in other ways. You know me more than I know myself, sometimes I was my own worst enemy.”

you’re simultaneously pondering back on your life, on all the times you experienced in relation to Jesus. The number of questions on your mind is tremendous. You remember one monumental time when you really doubted Jesus. “Jesus, remember when I was going through that transition stage in my life? new city and I felt super alone?” Jesus smiling, replies ” Yes I know exactly what you’re referring to.”

During that time, everyone I trusted turned their back on me. I had no one. The few people I did fully trust turned around on me and walked away. It was during this time when I questioned if even God would leave me. Remember? I’m sure you know already”

“Yes I know exactly the seconds, hours and days you’re referring to. Every last sprinkle of trust you had in everyone was lost. The few people you actually did trust disappeared. It created deep subconscious issues for you, enough for you to even ask if God would do the same.”

“Yes Jesus! I’m so sorry, it was wrong. Jesus it really messed my mind up, I was truly not right in those days. It’s just that…you start to really question everything when such deep issues happen over and over again. I felt the only person I could look to was the reflection in the mirror and nothing else. It was a hell in itself you could say. I needed someone, but no one was there.”

“I know, quite literally, what you mean. There was a certain time when I was on earth too, and I felt similar to you. I walked the streets of Galilee and Jerusalem long before your time on earth, only to be ignored and looked at as someone who’s not right mentally. I had few I trusted in on earth and more than one turned their backs completely on me. It was difficult being on that cross alone, to feel the nails in my hands and feet. Even I had to question for a few seconds on that cross why I’m alone.”

“Wow. Jesus I cannot even begin to imagine your strength. You are my everything, my savior and light Jesus. I need you. So when you were on the cross and asked why you were forsaken, you truly felt that way?”

Smiling Jesus replies “yes. Even me, a God felt the icy cold feeling of being entirely alone. Of being looked at as evil. Of being weird and socially unacceptable. Yet, I never once doubted myself. I knew my goal and I was going to accomplish it. One more important note here, I also felt your pains and sorrows. In that garden on earth, I felt everyone’s heartaches, deaths and anxieties. Not a bad feeling goes by in your life that I also didn’t feel. When you look at that sad reflection, feeling so deeply alone, remember I did the same. I lived your life.”

“Jesus what do you mean? Lived my life? Like literally? But Jesus I have certain physical issues that were extremely unique to me. My mental health was at times far too difficult for most to understand.”

“Yes. I lived every second of your life. I was walking with you every day of your life, experiencing all you felt also. I know what you felt. This is not an act of faith on my end, it literally happened. There was not a grumpy morning, flat tire, anxious thought or depressed night that I did not feel with you. All your anger, resent and sadness was fully felt by me as I strolled along your life with you. You chose for us on earth, I was always on the receiving end of your decisions.”

“What? no way! Now I feel terrible! So many bad decisions you had to feel. I’m so sorry. I can’t even begin to pay you back. What have I done Jesus? I carried you through all of that. So, this means you did the same for every human who ever lived?”

“Yes. Every child who passed in poverty, victim of wars and accidents. Whatever horrible suffering you imagine in your mind, I lived that life with that individual. I was simply accepting the pain in their lives fully. “

“Jesus? I love you!” Tears stream down your eyes as your intellect is tossed into shambles trying to grasp the moment. “Why did you do this? Like…I know that you died for me and you are the worlds savior, but you didn’t actually have to feel our exact pains and sorrows Jesus.”

Jesus sits smiling, looking out to the beautiful landscape. “I did it simply because I love you. I knew that you would feel alone. You would feel the bitterness of losing all trust in others. You would feel abandoned and neglected from all creatures. That’s why I came in. I chose to feel all your pains, to be your emotional punching bag…without you ever knowing it. I chose to feel your heartbreaks and fears. I chose to feel your anxieties and feeling of worthlessness. I chose to feel your deepest bouts of depression and anger. You were never alone. What this means is all your successes and joys were also felt by me, which in return brought me lots of smiles.”

Jesus still smiling continues “This is not a job interview or your regular one on one discussion like you hate. This isn’t a talk with a psychiatrist or psychologist. This isn’t your doctor talking or one of your friends who eventually left your life. This is someone who experienced every tear that dropped down your face. There is nothing you can possibly tell me that I’ve not felt myself, there is nothing you could tell me that I already don’t know. What’s so beautiful about this, is that even though trillions of people have lived on earth, your specific life experience was mine to feel. I love you.”

You can’t help but reach in for another long hug, but right when you do your eyes open as you look up at the clock. 2am. Your room is pitch black and the moonlight shines quietly through the window. “It was just a dream, only a nice dream.” A synergetic mix of sadness and peace overwhelms you as you lie back on your pillow. “If only that were real. I’d do anything to make that a reality.”

As you lie back on your bed pondering the beautiful dream you had, you receive a notification on your phone. Sluggishly you reach over to your phone and squint at the texts. It’s a friend needing advice on some trials they are experiencing. Not a close friend, but more of someone you know. Nevertheless, they want your help. They let you know about fears for an upcoming test, one that you’ve already taken and passed.

You smile wide as tears form in your squinting eyes. Not only did you pass that test, but you also know how it feels to be scared to take it. You realize that comprehending their fears allows you to help in such a way no one else can.

-Jarom

“

You Probably Don’t Grasp Just How Little Neuroscience Understands Consciousness

Clearing up some misconceptions people have of the current state of Neuroscience regarding human consciousness.

THEY ARE LOST (respectfully). Overall, neuroscience is light years from having any collective agreement on what it is, unless there is some random miraculous discovery sometime soon. Collectively, neuroscience has NO CLUE what the matter of consciousness is, where it is sourced from or WHY it even just randomly appears to begin with. It’s all philosophy and abstract rationale right now. Various theories that fight for first place with no one staying on top of the mountain very long. I’ve seen countless individuals lack comprehension of what science understands of this mystery so let me break it down below.

1. where it’s sourced from is not the same as explaining where it is housed in.

2. The consciousness is bound by the physical brain, no one argues this. If I lose a part of my brain of course that effects the consciousness, apart from this being blatantly obvious, science has proven through peer review that the consciousness is bound by the brain.

3. There is no collective answer in the slightest of anything of consciousness regarding its material, where it comes from or why it even randomly pops up from Neurons as opposed to other material. For example, why does consciousness appear only in a physical brain and not a piece of wood? Or a lung? As ridiculous as this sounds, it’s a valid mystery which is explained below.

4. The explanatory Gap is a well-known issue in the Philosophical world that science agrees with. This is the “mystery” of how a physical material gives rise to abstract “feeling” aka consciousness. There is a reason why this is a monumental debate, because it is completely unknown how this occurs. like…COMPLETELY unknown. it’s all theories and logic. NO EVIDENCE. There is no evidence, why? Because we don’t KNOW THE MATERIAL of consciousness and we would need to know it to some degree before knowing if it’s being sourced entirely from a physical neuron and not using the brain as a host. People use the “evidence” of how science knows what parts of the physical brain the consciousness is attached to and assume this is also explaining the source of consciousness which respectfully, is a causation fallacy. Simply saying we know that science confirms that the physical brain BOUNDS the consciousness is NOT giving a sprinkle of evidence that it is SOURCED from there. SOURCED means the neurons are producing the consciousness entirely themselves and we simply don’t know this until we actually understand the “Explanatory Gap.”

For anyone to shut the door on other realities is pure blind faith. I’ve read peer review papers that from the start are biased towards other realities…it stiff-arms the idea from the start. If there were other realities involved in this reality, then imagine closing the door to it and forcing a materialist study. This is called a waste of time.

Science needs to always keep their minds open and comprehend that we don’t know as much as we think we do, so keeping the door open to other realities is necessary at all times.

-Jarom